Whine and Cheese Time (Be aware- long and TMI!)

I have to admit this Supergirl thing is a lot of work. Sometimes I just want to sit and cry. (But I look so hideous when I cry, its awful! Well that and I get a headache.) And I keep thinking that maybe I should move. I am not sure how much of this I can take.
Today was bad, I just wanted to go snuggle on the couch with M and smootch him. That is not allowed. But I steal some kisses, only to be brushed off after 3 in favor of playing a kill the zombie game.

Sigh.... This sucks big balls!! I hate it!! I hate being lonely. You know, I didn't think I was ever that girl who needed to be with anyone, I just always seemed to be forever in a relationship. (DUH! HELLO THERE MCFLY!)

I feel so bipolar here. One minute I am good to go, I can make this work for me. The next, not so much with all that mumbo jumbo. I keep thinking, Oh man! I miss my life the way it was before all this. But I have to remember, it hasnt been good in a VERY LONG time. M has been pulling away from me since, oh I don't know, 2 years after we were married. I should have figured things out when I was chosen second to the computer, the tv, the car, the baseball games, etc...
I don't mind being second to good ole uncle sam, I knew that was the case when I signed on the dotted line. But, I HATE DESPISE being second to all that crap. Its a sad day, when you are standing in your birthday suit, saying "Hey love, why don't you come to bed?" Only to get a glance and the answer of "I'm not tired" WTFO????????????? Thats super great for a girls self esteem ya know!

But like an asshole, I keep trying. I kept wanting to hear, I love you! But shit, who doesn't?? I know I was like a starving man at a table. scrambling for crumbs. Once in a while I would get some attention and I was like Pavlov's dog. A drooling fucking mess. M is kinda like the lottery. You know somewhere someone wins- but its never you.

I guess now my question is- "How did I get to be like this?" "Where is the girl I used to know? The strong independant girl?" I know she is still in here, I think she got hit on the head or something, or she lost her map.

I am just sad. Maybe I should find someone as a "special friend" But blah, I don't want to have to hassle with sifting through all the crap to find someone on the same page as me. And that brings up dating. HOLY HELL!! That is the LAST THING EVER I want to do. And all the men here seem to be wild damned animals with no class. Bleech. But I am sure putting the cart before the horse there.

Damnit- FMYLIFE!!! This sucks!!