Well today 10 years ago I watched just like everyone else the world change before my eyes. A lot has happened in the last decade. You can't meet your friends and family at airport gates, you have to take your shoes off when you go through security, you cant carry on your soda, etc. And woe to anyone who wears a head scarf.
And just like everyone else, my personal life changed too. On this day in 2001 I decided that I could not live without X. I needed him in my life. I couldn't bear the thought of not knowing what happened. So a month after he returned from his deployment we were married. Do I regret this decision? No, not one bit. I would not change the last decade for all the tea in China. Yes, there were some crappy things that happened, but those have made me who I am. I am not that scared girl who couldn't do one thing by herself. Now I relish in my "alone". I don't worry too often about what people think. I have learned that I can do so many things on my own. I can cut the grass, I can hang shelves, I can weather a hurricane. I can do a lot. (Ok, I don't like eating out alone, but I can win them all.)
It seems as when the country began to heal and rebuild so did I. I sometimes miss my old life, but not often. I love who I am. I am not scared to begin again.
Sunday, September 11, 2011
Monday, June 6, 2011
Its been awhile..
Hello readers, (all three of you!)
Yes its been a hot minute since I have posted. Lots of things have happened to me. I am still working towards divorce. X is not happy, but then he never is! LOL
But I have met some fantastic people. If you have been following me then you know all about my Bear. He was a great guy and I miss him lots. I wish him only love and light. I still have my Concert Buddy Tony. I am seriously thinking about going to visit him and see how is life is. He's a nice guy who is looking for a new life. Just like me! His kiddos are staying with him and he has never looked happier.
I also have lost 5 lbs. YAY! I feel like I look better than I ever have! I am so excited. I walk everyday, at least 2 miles. I have done two 5K's in the last year. I really wish I could enjoy running, but that hasn't happened yet. But I love the walking - since it has been so hot I go to the gym, pop open my Kindle and read smut while I walk! :)
But I have had some poopy stuff happen too. One of my Work BFF's is moving. I miss her so much. Lunch is not the same with out her. My baby's momma' husband was injured in this stupid war. He is one piece, but he got his bell run twice. Eff those bad guys!!! I am very tired of this war. I can't even stand it sometimes.
But for the most part I have great days. More great days than bad days which is great!
So I promise I will try even better to post more. I know I enjoy writing this for you all to read.
Yes its been a hot minute since I have posted. Lots of things have happened to me. I am still working towards divorce. X is not happy, but then he never is! LOL
But I have met some fantastic people. If you have been following me then you know all about my Bear. He was a great guy and I miss him lots. I wish him only love and light. I still have my Concert Buddy Tony. I am seriously thinking about going to visit him and see how is life is. He's a nice guy who is looking for a new life. Just like me! His kiddos are staying with him and he has never looked happier.
I also have lost 5 lbs. YAY! I feel like I look better than I ever have! I am so excited. I walk everyday, at least 2 miles. I have done two 5K's in the last year. I really wish I could enjoy running, but that hasn't happened yet. But I love the walking - since it has been so hot I go to the gym, pop open my Kindle and read smut while I walk! :)
But I have had some poopy stuff happen too. One of my Work BFF's is moving. I miss her so much. Lunch is not the same with out her. My baby's momma' husband was injured in this stupid war. He is one piece, but he got his bell run twice. Eff those bad guys!!! I am very tired of this war. I can't even stand it sometimes.
But for the most part I have great days. More great days than bad days which is great!
So I promise I will try even better to post more. I know I enjoy writing this for you all to read.
Saturday, March 19, 2011
Time for a New Post!
Well boys and girls, its been a hot minute since I posted anything. So how about a quick update?
X is currently deployed. Doesn't really bother me much. We exchange random emails here and there about benign things. There is still an elephant in the room, but we will deal with that when he gets back. He is still a dorkus malorkus.
So I decided to try my hand at meeting new people. I went on a few coffee meets, but nothing really panned out. Met some doozies though. BLAH!
But then I met "Bear". At first he and I were just "friends". That worked out pretty good for a few weeks, but then he and I really started to like each other more. He invited me to his ball, and we had a great time. We went to Myrtle Beach and were total tourists! We walked on the beach and went to Ripley's. We ended up in the arcade! It's been years since I have played ski ball! Things just kind of progressed after that. He started staying over a lot more. I even introduced him to the G's. Now that is saying a lot there. I don't just bring anyone around my girls.
So we made it thru the holidays and New Years and had a great time! But then DRAMA has to rear its ugly head!
Bear has some baby mama drama. So back in January Bear's soon to be ex claimed that she was moving back here. This totally freaked me out, and I told Bear that if he wasn't careful she would ruin "this" for him. I also told him that I didn't need or want any issues with her. He said he understood. And "She" is something else. She is 23 and stupid. She calls at all hours of the day and night. She is a pain in the ass.
But he seemed to get her under control and all is right with the world. We go to dinner, we stay in, we shop - just basically having a great time. He even stayed with the pups when I went to New Zealand!!
Fast forward to the present- as in last weekend. We celebrate his birthday on Saturday. (SpongeBob at the pizza place for just me and him.) Sunday rolls around, we sleep in. Then I get up and we hang out at the house, go for coffee etc. Just the normal stuff. Well I am making a new recipe for dinner. We eat and then are cleaning up. He then tells me that he knows that I am unhappy with new developments in his life, mainly SHE is planning on moving back to Jville in like three weeks. He is also getting ready to leave to go pick up his son and will have him until SHE gets here. I tell him, yeah I am a bit jealous that I will not be able to spend more time with him once the lil man gets here. And yes I am worried that SHE and her busy body friends will cause trouble for us, but I can deal. He knows me pretty well by now and he knows that I am not being totally truthful. He is right. I am pissed off that I have to share my time. But, I know that this is a battle I can not win. He wants to be a dad so badly and has been cheated out of his time with him. I feel for him, I really do, but Damn!
So he tells me that we should part ways. He doesn't want to be worried that I am upset because he can't spend time with him and I don't want to have our relationship cause issues with his job. So he and I broke up. He walked out the house and told me "I'm sorry."
I have seen him a few times since then, he came over to get some of his things. I really miss him. I miss cuddling with him, I miss walking in to stores with him. (He actually liked to hold my hand!) And now pretty much a week later, I find myself thinking of him often. I will see a shirt in the store and think "Oh Bear would like that". But as in all break ups, I will be fine. And maybe in another time or place we can try again.
So thats the update on the relationship front. Work is the same, school is over and I am still broke! HAHAHHAHAH But, I am thankful for having a home, and having great friends and having sweet dogs and cats who love me all the time.
So until next time....
X is currently deployed. Doesn't really bother me much. We exchange random emails here and there about benign things. There is still an elephant in the room, but we will deal with that when he gets back. He is still a dorkus malorkus.
So I decided to try my hand at meeting new people. I went on a few coffee meets, but nothing really panned out. Met some doozies though. BLAH!
But then I met "Bear". At first he and I were just "friends". That worked out pretty good for a few weeks, but then he and I really started to like each other more. He invited me to his ball, and we had a great time. We went to Myrtle Beach and were total tourists! We walked on the beach and went to Ripley's. We ended up in the arcade! It's been years since I have played ski ball! Things just kind of progressed after that. He started staying over a lot more. I even introduced him to the G's. Now that is saying a lot there. I don't just bring anyone around my girls.
So we made it thru the holidays and New Years and had a great time! But then DRAMA has to rear its ugly head!
Bear has some baby mama drama. So back in January Bear's soon to be ex claimed that she was moving back here. This totally freaked me out, and I told Bear that if he wasn't careful she would ruin "this" for him. I also told him that I didn't need or want any issues with her. He said he understood. And "She" is something else. She is 23 and stupid. She calls at all hours of the day and night. She is a pain in the ass.
But he seemed to get her under control and all is right with the world. We go to dinner, we stay in, we shop - just basically having a great time. He even stayed with the pups when I went to New Zealand!!
Fast forward to the present- as in last weekend. We celebrate his birthday on Saturday. (SpongeBob at the pizza place for just me and him.) Sunday rolls around, we sleep in. Then I get up and we hang out at the house, go for coffee etc. Just the normal stuff. Well I am making a new recipe for dinner. We eat and then are cleaning up. He then tells me that he knows that I am unhappy with new developments in his life, mainly SHE is planning on moving back to Jville in like three weeks. He is also getting ready to leave to go pick up his son and will have him until SHE gets here. I tell him, yeah I am a bit jealous that I will not be able to spend more time with him once the lil man gets here. And yes I am worried that SHE and her busy body friends will cause trouble for us, but I can deal. He knows me pretty well by now and he knows that I am not being totally truthful. He is right. I am pissed off that I have to share my time. But, I know that this is a battle I can not win. He wants to be a dad so badly and has been cheated out of his time with him. I feel for him, I really do, but Damn!
So he tells me that we should part ways. He doesn't want to be worried that I am upset because he can't spend time with him and I don't want to have our relationship cause issues with his job. So he and I broke up. He walked out the house and told me "I'm sorry."
I have seen him a few times since then, he came over to get some of his things. I really miss him. I miss cuddling with him, I miss walking in to stores with him. (He actually liked to hold my hand!) And now pretty much a week later, I find myself thinking of him often. I will see a shirt in the store and think "Oh Bear would like that". But as in all break ups, I will be fine. And maybe in another time or place we can try again.
So thats the update on the relationship front. Work is the same, school is over and I am still broke! HAHAHHAHAH But, I am thankful for having a home, and having great friends and having sweet dogs and cats who love me all the time.
So until next time....
Wednesday, September 1, 2010
YAY!
Ok readers! I know it has been a bit since I have added anything here. But I have lots to share! Good stuff!
First school- I have 16 weeks left! Then graduation. I think I am going to throw myself a party! YAY!!
Next- vacation is coming up. I am going to Cali in two weeks to enjoy some friends, beer, family and the beach! I need this badly. And the coolest part is that there is no school until I get back!
Third- I am seriously going to try and find a new job. I have enjoyed the chamber, but I am ready to do something different!
Fourth- I believe my kidney stone is gone gone gone!! Tomorrow I get the stent out and I am ready for it to go!!
So thats the update. Everything seems to be moving along fine! :)
First school- I have 16 weeks left! Then graduation. I think I am going to throw myself a party! YAY!!
Next- vacation is coming up. I am going to Cali in two weeks to enjoy some friends, beer, family and the beach! I need this badly. And the coolest part is that there is no school until I get back!
Third- I am seriously going to try and find a new job. I have enjoyed the chamber, but I am ready to do something different!
Fourth- I believe my kidney stone is gone gone gone!! Tomorrow I get the stent out and I am ready for it to go!!
So thats the update. Everything seems to be moving along fine! :)
Sunday, March 21, 2010
Firestorm....damnit
Holy Cow balls Batman!
Ok so I posted a status on Facebook today that I guess touched a nerve with lots of people. I posted that I was crabby because I went to Mass today. No, not going to Mass made me crabby, it was the loud unruly children that made me angry. So I posted as such. I posted that I didn't understand how parents could let their kids be loud and such in church. WELL eff me running. I had two post that since I did NOT have kids, I would of COURSE feel this way. And I should feel sorry for the poor parents. (I DO NOT!) Thankfully my brother and my Mo stood up for me, as did Mandi and Adrienne. I was just pissy because I did not get the peace and quiet I was looking for this morning. OHHH and the other thing that was posted in response was, since I did not have kids, I should have plenty of peace and quiet. Yeah... sure... ok.... Look, not having kids is my choice. One that I am comfortable with. I like kids, I just don't want any. I love my friends kids, all of them. Lil man, Catie, Megan, Charlie, etc. I love my girls too- Bailey and Morgan. But, I refuse to be bullied because someone cant control their bratty ass kids in church. GRUMBLE GRUMBLE GRUMBLE- fuckers.
Ok so I posted a status on Facebook today that I guess touched a nerve with lots of people. I posted that I was crabby because I went to Mass today. No, not going to Mass made me crabby, it was the loud unruly children that made me angry. So I posted as such. I posted that I didn't understand how parents could let their kids be loud and such in church. WELL eff me running. I had two post that since I did NOT have kids, I would of COURSE feel this way. And I should feel sorry for the poor parents. (I DO NOT!) Thankfully my brother and my Mo stood up for me, as did Mandi and Adrienne. I was just pissy because I did not get the peace and quiet I was looking for this morning. OHHH and the other thing that was posted in response was, since I did not have kids, I should have plenty of peace and quiet. Yeah... sure... ok.... Look, not having kids is my choice. One that I am comfortable with. I like kids, I just don't want any. I love my friends kids, all of them. Lil man, Catie, Megan, Charlie, etc. I love my girls too- Bailey and Morgan. But, I refuse to be bullied because someone cant control their bratty ass kids in church. GRUMBLE GRUMBLE GRUMBLE- fuckers.
Saturday, January 16, 2010
Achooo, sniffle, snort, cough
Yes my darling readers I am sick. BLAH!! But as a bonus, not Kirby sick. I have a cold/sinus infection/general yuck. I feel like hammered shit. I hate being sick and it seems like in the last six months I have been sicker than ever. I'm pretty sure it has nothing to do with stress. HA!
Anywho, I think the meds are kicking in. Nap time.
Anywho, I think the meds are kicking in. Nap time.
Sunday, January 10, 2010
Why put off today....
Ok so here it is 615pm and I am still not done with homework and I started at like 2. GRRR My mind is not in the game today. I would rather do a million other things than homework. So here I am blogging. LOL
Good news in Phoenixland- I GOT A HOUSE!! NAH NAH NAH NAH!!!! I move on Feb 6th. I wish it were sooner, but beggars can't be choosers. Now, its a smaller place and my ginormous bed will have to be in a room all by itself, but thats ok too. According to smarty people, bedrooms should only be for sleeping and sex, not tv, not homework, not books, not pets. So my bedroom will be a true bedroom- only right now, no sex. (sad panda face)
But hey, its got hardwood floors and tile. AND they let me bring the boys with me. So its all good. Plus its like 5 mins from my office. I will so be saving on gas. The yard is small enough for me to keep up with, but still big enough for the boys. I will though have to take them for walks to make sure they get enough exercise. I don't want any fatty boys! I am excited about being able to decorate how I want. So I am thinking I am going to go all eastern for the living room. I have a Buddha and some great asian inspired art. (A score from the church bizarre) I also have the two couches, although I don't think both pieces will fit. But hey, I have THREE bedrooms so I can stash it somewhere. Or even better I can sell it. Which I might do- they were chosen to fit X's tastes and not mine.
I want the set that is suede and leather. The chocolate colored ones. I think they would look great with some cranberry colored pillows and some cranberry colored curtains. AND, since I am such a granola head, I want to find everything off LYS. I don't want to buy anything brand new. Its my way of lowering my "Footprint". The kitchen is way small, but come one, its not like I entertain! I have found some great bar stools that are red! Ok, so they will be new. I don't want to search and wait for those. The boys will still have their own space, there is a little "bonus room" off of the living room. As for the cats, sha, like they care where they go. A warm bed and a sunny window is all they need.
I am ready to move, but at the same time it exhausts me. I look around at all my stuff and think, "HOLY HELL" I have so much stuff. AND, I can't really pack, because I use it all. Well, I could probably pack up my suits, but thats like one box. But, my girls, aka my family, keep me going straight. They have all volunteered their time on a Saturday. I just want it to take one day! I want to move stuff in and be done.
I told X today that he needs to find somewhere to be on moving day. It will be too hard for me. I love him dearly and he just doesn't see it. I love his smile, I love his laugh, I love his eyes. BUT, I don't love that he doesn't love me, he doesn't help me, that he doesn't make me a priority in his life. I need to remind myself that I deserve someone who loves me as much as I love them. Maybe for right now, I just need to forget all that lovey dovey crapola. I should be a dude! Love 'em and leave 'em. And honestly, if I have to be single, what a better place to be! Its like a shoe store and I have unlimited credit!! LOL
Ehhh... I suppose it is what it is. Life will go on, I am not gonna die, I will learn new things about myself and I will be a better person when I come out on the other side. (Ok meme, keep telling yourself this.....)
BLAH...... and I have cramps... FML
Good news in Phoenixland- I GOT A HOUSE!! NAH NAH NAH NAH!!!! I move on Feb 6th. I wish it were sooner, but beggars can't be choosers. Now, its a smaller place and my ginormous bed will have to be in a room all by itself, but thats ok too. According to smarty people, bedrooms should only be for sleeping and sex, not tv, not homework, not books, not pets. So my bedroom will be a true bedroom- only right now, no sex. (sad panda face)
But hey, its got hardwood floors and tile. AND they let me bring the boys with me. So its all good. Plus its like 5 mins from my office. I will so be saving on gas. The yard is small enough for me to keep up with, but still big enough for the boys. I will though have to take them for walks to make sure they get enough exercise. I don't want any fatty boys! I am excited about being able to decorate how I want. So I am thinking I am going to go all eastern for the living room. I have a Buddha and some great asian inspired art. (A score from the church bizarre) I also have the two couches, although I don't think both pieces will fit. But hey, I have THREE bedrooms so I can stash it somewhere. Or even better I can sell it. Which I might do- they were chosen to fit X's tastes and not mine.
I want the set that is suede and leather. The chocolate colored ones. I think they would look great with some cranberry colored pillows and some cranberry colored curtains. AND, since I am such a granola head, I want to find everything off LYS. I don't want to buy anything brand new. Its my way of lowering my "Footprint". The kitchen is way small, but come one, its not like I entertain! I have found some great bar stools that are red! Ok, so they will be new. I don't want to search and wait for those. The boys will still have their own space, there is a little "bonus room" off of the living room. As for the cats, sha, like they care where they go. A warm bed and a sunny window is all they need.
I am ready to move, but at the same time it exhausts me. I look around at all my stuff and think, "HOLY HELL" I have so much stuff. AND, I can't really pack, because I use it all. Well, I could probably pack up my suits, but thats like one box. But, my girls, aka my family, keep me going straight. They have all volunteered their time on a Saturday. I just want it to take one day! I want to move stuff in and be done.
I told X today that he needs to find somewhere to be on moving day. It will be too hard for me. I love him dearly and he just doesn't see it. I love his smile, I love his laugh, I love his eyes. BUT, I don't love that he doesn't love me, he doesn't help me, that he doesn't make me a priority in his life. I need to remind myself that I deserve someone who loves me as much as I love them. Maybe for right now, I just need to forget all that lovey dovey crapola. I should be a dude! Love 'em and leave 'em. And honestly, if I have to be single, what a better place to be! Its like a shoe store and I have unlimited credit!! LOL
Ehhh... I suppose it is what it is. Life will go on, I am not gonna die, I will learn new things about myself and I will be a better person when I come out on the other side. (Ok meme, keep telling yourself this.....)
BLAH...... and I have cramps... FML
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