Yes my darling readers I am sick. BLAH!! But as a bonus, not Kirby sick. I have a cold/sinus infection/general yuck. I feel like hammered shit. I hate being sick and it seems like in the last six months I have been sicker than ever. I'm pretty sure it has nothing to do with stress. HA!
Anywho, I think the meds are kicking in. Nap time.
Saturday, January 16, 2010
Sunday, January 10, 2010
Why put off today....
Ok so here it is 615pm and I am still not done with homework and I started at like 2. GRRR My mind is not in the game today. I would rather do a million other things than homework. So here I am blogging. LOL
Good news in Phoenixland- I GOT A HOUSE!! NAH NAH NAH NAH!!!! I move on Feb 6th. I wish it were sooner, but beggars can't be choosers. Now, its a smaller place and my ginormous bed will have to be in a room all by itself, but thats ok too. According to smarty people, bedrooms should only be for sleeping and sex, not tv, not homework, not books, not pets. So my bedroom will be a true bedroom- only right now, no sex. (sad panda face)
But hey, its got hardwood floors and tile. AND they let me bring the boys with me. So its all good. Plus its like 5 mins from my office. I will so be saving on gas. The yard is small enough for me to keep up with, but still big enough for the boys. I will though have to take them for walks to make sure they get enough exercise. I don't want any fatty boys! I am excited about being able to decorate how I want. So I am thinking I am going to go all eastern for the living room. I have a Buddha and some great asian inspired art. (A score from the church bizarre) I also have the two couches, although I don't think both pieces will fit. But hey, I have THREE bedrooms so I can stash it somewhere. Or even better I can sell it. Which I might do- they were chosen to fit X's tastes and not mine.
I want the set that is suede and leather. The chocolate colored ones. I think they would look great with some cranberry colored pillows and some cranberry colored curtains. AND, since I am such a granola head, I want to find everything off LYS. I don't want to buy anything brand new. Its my way of lowering my "Footprint". The kitchen is way small, but come one, its not like I entertain! I have found some great bar stools that are red! Ok, so they will be new. I don't want to search and wait for those. The boys will still have their own space, there is a little "bonus room" off of the living room. As for the cats, sha, like they care where they go. A warm bed and a sunny window is all they need.
I am ready to move, but at the same time it exhausts me. I look around at all my stuff and think, "HOLY HELL" I have so much stuff. AND, I can't really pack, because I use it all. Well, I could probably pack up my suits, but thats like one box. But, my girls, aka my family, keep me going straight. They have all volunteered their time on a Saturday. I just want it to take one day! I want to move stuff in and be done.
I told X today that he needs to find somewhere to be on moving day. It will be too hard for me. I love him dearly and he just doesn't see it. I love his smile, I love his laugh, I love his eyes. BUT, I don't love that he doesn't love me, he doesn't help me, that he doesn't make me a priority in his life. I need to remind myself that I deserve someone who loves me as much as I love them. Maybe for right now, I just need to forget all that lovey dovey crapola. I should be a dude! Love 'em and leave 'em. And honestly, if I have to be single, what a better place to be! Its like a shoe store and I have unlimited credit!! LOL
Ehhh... I suppose it is what it is. Life will go on, I am not gonna die, I will learn new things about myself and I will be a better person when I come out on the other side. (Ok meme, keep telling yourself this.....)
BLAH...... and I have cramps... FML
Good news in Phoenixland- I GOT A HOUSE!! NAH NAH NAH NAH!!!! I move on Feb 6th. I wish it were sooner, but beggars can't be choosers. Now, its a smaller place and my ginormous bed will have to be in a room all by itself, but thats ok too. According to smarty people, bedrooms should only be for sleeping and sex, not tv, not homework, not books, not pets. So my bedroom will be a true bedroom- only right now, no sex. (sad panda face)
But hey, its got hardwood floors and tile. AND they let me bring the boys with me. So its all good. Plus its like 5 mins from my office. I will so be saving on gas. The yard is small enough for me to keep up with, but still big enough for the boys. I will though have to take them for walks to make sure they get enough exercise. I don't want any fatty boys! I am excited about being able to decorate how I want. So I am thinking I am going to go all eastern for the living room. I have a Buddha and some great asian inspired art. (A score from the church bizarre) I also have the two couches, although I don't think both pieces will fit. But hey, I have THREE bedrooms so I can stash it somewhere. Or even better I can sell it. Which I might do- they were chosen to fit X's tastes and not mine.
I want the set that is suede and leather. The chocolate colored ones. I think they would look great with some cranberry colored pillows and some cranberry colored curtains. AND, since I am such a granola head, I want to find everything off LYS. I don't want to buy anything brand new. Its my way of lowering my "Footprint". The kitchen is way small, but come one, its not like I entertain! I have found some great bar stools that are red! Ok, so they will be new. I don't want to search and wait for those. The boys will still have their own space, there is a little "bonus room" off of the living room. As for the cats, sha, like they care where they go. A warm bed and a sunny window is all they need.
I am ready to move, but at the same time it exhausts me. I look around at all my stuff and think, "HOLY HELL" I have so much stuff. AND, I can't really pack, because I use it all. Well, I could probably pack up my suits, but thats like one box. But, my girls, aka my family, keep me going straight. They have all volunteered their time on a Saturday. I just want it to take one day! I want to move stuff in and be done.
I told X today that he needs to find somewhere to be on moving day. It will be too hard for me. I love him dearly and he just doesn't see it. I love his smile, I love his laugh, I love his eyes. BUT, I don't love that he doesn't love me, he doesn't help me, that he doesn't make me a priority in his life. I need to remind myself that I deserve someone who loves me as much as I love them. Maybe for right now, I just need to forget all that lovey dovey crapola. I should be a dude! Love 'em and leave 'em. And honestly, if I have to be single, what a better place to be! Its like a shoe store and I have unlimited credit!! LOL
Ehhh... I suppose it is what it is. Life will go on, I am not gonna die, I will learn new things about myself and I will be a better person when I come out on the other side. (Ok meme, keep telling yourself this.....)
BLAH...... and I have cramps... FML
Sunday, December 20, 2009
I don't know if I should wind my ass or scratch my watch...
I swear I should have my head examined. I think I must have hit it with something that I didn't know about it.
Yesterday I spent the morning shopping, finishing up with some christmas shopping. X texts me telling me about how he just got up, blah, blah, blah. So we are back and forth about going to Wilmington. He told me that he would go with me to get this kiddos presents. We argue, of course, but he finally decides to go. We have a great afternoon, lunch at flaming amy's, some mild shopping. (Hey I didnt even go to the mall!) and then home. We just chill on the couch watching tv and picking on each other. It was one of those really good days that reminds me how much I like hanging out with him. He makes me laugh. But, I know that this isn't "real", and it makes me sad.
It also confuses the shit out of me. It makes me wonder if we really should be apart. I mean we do know everything about each other. We know what makes the other one tick. But then I force myself to remember the shitty stuff- the Christmas I spent alone, while he was upstairs because he didn't "feel" like Christmas, the dinners I ate alone, not because he was deployed, but because he didnt want to eat with me, the arguments about how I am a shitty wife because I dont want kids, etc.
AND, I think the cosmos is aligning against me. I thought I had a house in the bag, then WHAMO! NOPE! The guy wants more than I can afford. Sigh..... So I continue to look. At this point it seems that I will be either living here forever or moving in with a friend. I want neither of these options. GRRRRRRR....... Ok so I keep looking. But really, it seems that Someone wants me to stay in this house and not move on. And I really want too! I want to meet new people, I want to do new things. I have lived here in NC for 8 years and I have never been to the mountains! X is not a big fan of traveling with me it seems. I am ready to "hit the road"! I want to try all kinds of brownies and cakes and cupcakes.
I think the sooner I can make a clean break from X the easier my life will be. Maybe thats what the lesson is, I need to have patience for this to come about. Easier said than done for me. But I will try. I have to remember that I am not in the drivers seat, but am in the passenger seat and have to quit being a back seat driver. Ok so here is to day one of patience. Wish me luck!
Yesterday I spent the morning shopping, finishing up with some christmas shopping. X texts me telling me about how he just got up, blah, blah, blah. So we are back and forth about going to Wilmington. He told me that he would go with me to get this kiddos presents. We argue, of course, but he finally decides to go. We have a great afternoon, lunch at flaming amy's, some mild shopping. (Hey I didnt even go to the mall!) and then home. We just chill on the couch watching tv and picking on each other. It was one of those really good days that reminds me how much I like hanging out with him. He makes me laugh. But, I know that this isn't "real", and it makes me sad.
It also confuses the shit out of me. It makes me wonder if we really should be apart. I mean we do know everything about each other. We know what makes the other one tick. But then I force myself to remember the shitty stuff- the Christmas I spent alone, while he was upstairs because he didn't "feel" like Christmas, the dinners I ate alone, not because he was deployed, but because he didnt want to eat with me, the arguments about how I am a shitty wife because I dont want kids, etc.
AND, I think the cosmos is aligning against me. I thought I had a house in the bag, then WHAMO! NOPE! The guy wants more than I can afford. Sigh..... So I continue to look. At this point it seems that I will be either living here forever or moving in with a friend. I want neither of these options. GRRRRRRR....... Ok so I keep looking. But really, it seems that Someone wants me to stay in this house and not move on. And I really want too! I want to meet new people, I want to do new things. I have lived here in NC for 8 years and I have never been to the mountains! X is not a big fan of traveling with me it seems. I am ready to "hit the road"! I want to try all kinds of brownies and cakes and cupcakes.
I think the sooner I can make a clean break from X the easier my life will be. Maybe thats what the lesson is, I need to have patience for this to come about. Easier said than done for me. But I will try. I have to remember that I am not in the drivers seat, but am in the passenger seat and have to quit being a back seat driver. Ok so here is to day one of patience. Wish me luck!
Sunday, December 13, 2009
Sisters....
Well this post was going to start out to be a whine and cheese party. Plans have changed. I was going to whine about how crapstastic my life has become wah wah wah (can you hear the wambulance?) Not gonna happen today.
What changed her mind, you might ask. My dear lovely friend Mo. I was booting up my blog to write away and I have her blog as one I follow. So I see that she has a new post so I am all excited to read it. Her life is always an adventure. She is a married mom of three amazing kids who all have their own unique personalities and are always doing something fun. So Mo writes about our club- our G Girlz. She wrote about each of us. When she described me I started to cry. I don't think I have ever read something so nice. Thank you Mo! Now you have inspired me to write about our clan too!
So here goes- my loyal readers, I have the best set of friends one could ever ask for. They are truly my family. (Its nice when you get to pick them!)
So lets start with my Mo. MO G- Mo is a red headed dynamo. She is the consummate planner. She knows how to pull everything together for us. (Really Mo, you should consider being an event planner. When I marry Christian Slater, you are gonna do our wedding!) Mo is also a fantastic cook and is the voice of reason when we all decide to form a lynch mob and want a head on a stick! Mo keeps us on the even keel. Thank you!
Tina aka Momma G- Momma truly is my mom away from home. She loves all of us unconditionally and gives the best advice ever. Mom can also bake like no ones business! I love when I get to help. (like a total little kid!) Tina seems to be our rock. We could not do it without her. I am so glad she made the leap!
Shoshanna- Sho G! Sho is our favorite little sister. She has the coolest job in the world- construction! Although you would never know it from her girlyness! Sho is the sweetest person and never ever seems to get upset about anything. (unlike your favorite author!) She is always so upbeat and cheerful. I love being around her.
Alisiana- Ali G- Wow! I have no idea how to start with my girl here. Shes kinda like a cookie- crispy outside, but low and behold, all goo on the in. She is a tough girl who knows how to take care of herself. And the funny part is that she didn't even like me at first. But hey look at us now!! She also the mom of one of the cutest little boys on the planet! Ali has no problem making sure that I am not always a nerd! LOL She gives me some sort of "street cred". LOL LOVE YOU!
Heather - Baby G- Heather is our quiet sister. Still waters run very deep. She is no exception to this saying. She has the calm attitude that is unflappable and provides all of us with a welcome bit of an oasis of calm. Hey, who else do you know that seriously laughed during her daughters birth? On that note- I have to mention our new lil g- Rachel. Even though I almost passed out in the hospital room- I am very glad have been invited to be part of this miracle. Love it!
Ryann- My Ry G- Ryann Ryann Ryann- Ry is the woman who is always bringing a smile to everyone with her sense of humor. I mean who else can tell a story about Mary Poppins and make me shoot tea through my nose? Not many. Ryann is the no nonsense manager of a store and has the work ethic of a saint. That damned company is lucky to have her. I would have killed for employees like her! Ry also knows how to play hard too- she is the first person I have ever met that actually MAKES baskets- from scratch! its the coolest thing. PANCAKES MY LOVE!!
And finally our Shannon- Shan G- Shannon has the biggest heart on the planet. She will give you her last buck if you need it. She is our connection to the life of teacher. God bless her! (I could never been in charge of any children for more than four hours that arent sleeping!) She also is a great neighbor who has a beautiful daughter and another on the way. We can't wait to meet this new lil g girl.
These women, as diverse and unique as they are have made my life so much better. I can't imagine my life without them. Even though two are spreading our love on the other coast, we are still very much in touch. You guys really are my anchors. I would be so lost with out you all. Thank you for showing that there is so much more to this life than what I knew. I thank the Lord daily for giving me these friends who I consider sisters. Thank you.
What changed her mind, you might ask. My dear lovely friend Mo. I was booting up my blog to write away and I have her blog as one I follow. So I see that she has a new post so I am all excited to read it. Her life is always an adventure. She is a married mom of three amazing kids who all have their own unique personalities and are always doing something fun. So Mo writes about our club- our G Girlz. She wrote about each of us. When she described me I started to cry. I don't think I have ever read something so nice. Thank you Mo! Now you have inspired me to write about our clan too!
So here goes- my loyal readers, I have the best set of friends one could ever ask for. They are truly my family. (Its nice when you get to pick them!)
So lets start with my Mo. MO G- Mo is a red headed dynamo. She is the consummate planner. She knows how to pull everything together for us. (Really Mo, you should consider being an event planner. When I marry Christian Slater, you are gonna do our wedding!) Mo is also a fantastic cook and is the voice of reason when we all decide to form a lynch mob and want a head on a stick! Mo keeps us on the even keel. Thank you!
Tina aka Momma G- Momma truly is my mom away from home. She loves all of us unconditionally and gives the best advice ever. Mom can also bake like no ones business! I love when I get to help. (like a total little kid!) Tina seems to be our rock. We could not do it without her. I am so glad she made the leap!
Shoshanna- Sho G! Sho is our favorite little sister. She has the coolest job in the world- construction! Although you would never know it from her girlyness! Sho is the sweetest person and never ever seems to get upset about anything. (unlike your favorite author!) She is always so upbeat and cheerful. I love being around her.
Alisiana- Ali G- Wow! I have no idea how to start with my girl here. Shes kinda like a cookie- crispy outside, but low and behold, all goo on the in. She is a tough girl who knows how to take care of herself. And the funny part is that she didn't even like me at first. But hey look at us now!! She also the mom of one of the cutest little boys on the planet! Ali has no problem making sure that I am not always a nerd! LOL She gives me some sort of "street cred". LOL LOVE YOU!
Heather - Baby G- Heather is our quiet sister. Still waters run very deep. She is no exception to this saying. She has the calm attitude that is unflappable and provides all of us with a welcome bit of an oasis of calm. Hey, who else do you know that seriously laughed during her daughters birth? On that note- I have to mention our new lil g- Rachel. Even though I almost passed out in the hospital room- I am very glad have been invited to be part of this miracle. Love it!
Ryann- My Ry G- Ryann Ryann Ryann- Ry is the woman who is always bringing a smile to everyone with her sense of humor. I mean who else can tell a story about Mary Poppins and make me shoot tea through my nose? Not many. Ryann is the no nonsense manager of a store and has the work ethic of a saint. That damned company is lucky to have her. I would have killed for employees like her! Ry also knows how to play hard too- she is the first person I have ever met that actually MAKES baskets- from scratch! its the coolest thing. PANCAKES MY LOVE!!
And finally our Shannon- Shan G- Shannon has the biggest heart on the planet. She will give you her last buck if you need it. She is our connection to the life of teacher. God bless her! (I could never been in charge of any children for more than four hours that arent sleeping!) She also is a great neighbor who has a beautiful daughter and another on the way. We can't wait to meet this new lil g girl.
These women, as diverse and unique as they are have made my life so much better. I can't imagine my life without them. Even though two are spreading our love on the other coast, we are still very much in touch. You guys really are my anchors. I would be so lost with out you all. Thank you for showing that there is so much more to this life than what I knew. I thank the Lord daily for giving me these friends who I consider sisters. Thank you.
Saturday, December 5, 2009
Brothers
Ok first up - SPOILER ALERT!! If you are reading this and want to see Brothers, go no further. I am gonna wreck it for you.
HOLY CRAPOLA! So I decided tonite to take myself out to the movies. I have seen the trailers for "Brothers". Read the reviews, all like it. Decide, "Hmmm, gonna go see this. I like a good love triangle movie"
NEVER EVER EVER AGAIN!!!! I am still sniffing and crying. Rundown- Marine goes to Afganistan, helicopter crashes, wife thinks he dies. Marine DOES NOT DIE, is captured. Along with others. Is held hostage for several months. Is forced to DO HORRIBLE HORRIBLE THINGS. I have never had a movie physically affect me. I almost walked out. But decided to stick it out and stay. I am glad I did, but GOD! All I kept thinking was, "What about all the people I know and love who are either there or have been there?" "What about X? What about Trav? What about Bobbi?" Then I think about the broken boys and girls that come home to their families, and how they deal with things. Then of course I think about X and what ever happened to him. He has never told me, but I know something happened to him in 2004. He has never been the same....
Jeeze, why didnt I go see something funny??????? FML
HOLY CRAPOLA! So I decided tonite to take myself out to the movies. I have seen the trailers for "Brothers". Read the reviews, all like it. Decide, "Hmmm, gonna go see this. I like a good love triangle movie"
NEVER EVER EVER AGAIN!!!! I am still sniffing and crying. Rundown- Marine goes to Afganistan, helicopter crashes, wife thinks he dies. Marine DOES NOT DIE, is captured. Along with others. Is held hostage for several months. Is forced to DO HORRIBLE HORRIBLE THINGS. I have never had a movie physically affect me. I almost walked out. But decided to stick it out and stay. I am glad I did, but GOD! All I kept thinking was, "What about all the people I know and love who are either there or have been there?" "What about X? What about Trav? What about Bobbi?" Then I think about the broken boys and girls that come home to their families, and how they deal with things. Then of course I think about X and what ever happened to him. He has never told me, but I know something happened to him in 2004. He has never been the same....
Jeeze, why didnt I go see something funny??????? FML
Friday, October 30, 2009
I KNEW the Phoenix was right for me..
Ok, so since I have been out for the count due to Kirby and his wily ways. I have had some long nights where I am not tired. So I came across this while I was doing some impromptu research about Scorpios and health issues. (Turns out, we Scorps rule the "downstairs" items as well as kidneys and such. How about that!) I really kinda dig this, and wanted to share with you all. Maybe it was no coincidence that I happened upon the Phoenix....
This is what I found:
Scorpio is symbolized with the Scorpion, the Serpent as well as the Eagle, or the rare Phoenix. Small creatures like scorpions and serpents are often the most dangerous because men and larger animals are unable to readily see them. And because of their poison, stepping on them accidentally could be fatal.
The eagle is said to be a higher symbol for Scorpio than the scorpion and serpent and to represent the more highly evolved souls similar to the Phoenix.
But the final and most evolved type of Scorpio is a rare bird, the phoenix. The Phoenix has been through the fire this lifetime. Sometimes the fire is a difficult childhood illness or an emotional wound – the death of a loved one but instead of becoming bitter, cynical and vengeful like the Serpent or even the Eagle, they pass through the crisis and resurrects themselves from the ashes and as a result of their trauma they go through a conversion experience. It is through inner transformation that we discover wisdom. And Scorpio is consequently a sign of wisdom.
(http://www.astro-counseling.com/page25/page33/scorpio.html)
This is what I found:
Scorpio is symbolized with the Scorpion, the Serpent as well as the Eagle, or the rare Phoenix. Small creatures like scorpions and serpents are often the most dangerous because men and larger animals are unable to readily see them. And because of their poison, stepping on them accidentally could be fatal.
The eagle is said to be a higher symbol for Scorpio than the scorpion and serpent and to represent the more highly evolved souls similar to the Phoenix.
But the final and most evolved type of Scorpio is a rare bird, the phoenix. The Phoenix has been through the fire this lifetime. Sometimes the fire is a difficult childhood illness or an emotional wound – the death of a loved one but instead of becoming bitter, cynical and vengeful like the Serpent or even the Eagle, they pass through the crisis and resurrects themselves from the ashes and as a result of their trauma they go through a conversion experience. It is through inner transformation that we discover wisdom. And Scorpio is consequently a sign of wisdom.
(http://www.astro-counseling.com/page25/page33/scorpio.html)
Thursday, October 29, 2009
Kirby the squatter
DAMMIT!!! DAMMIT!! DAMMIT!!! AND ONCE MORE DAMMIT!!!
Kirby is damned squatter. He just wont leave. And on top of that- he is making me sick again. I have been laid up for like 3 fucking days!!! Nannon took me to Dr. Peepants on Tuesday where I got a lecture about not drinking enough water. Well no shit Doc, I have been in a coma for the last few days. Cant drink when I am asleep. Douche bag... Also he proceeds to give me this lecture about how disappointed he is in the litho not working. Well guess what Smart Ass- ME FUCKING TOO!! Like I like taking time off from work, wearing weird hospital gowns and getting IVs plugged in to me. Yeah, that's the good time I was looking for. Idiot!!
So last night after two days of 102 fever, X hauls me in to the ER. (He hates hospitals, so I was proud of him taking one for the team.) We went in at like 10:30 and left at 5:30am. (Which BTW, 5:30am is the time to go to the ER- there was NO ONE THERE!!) So its discovered that I have some sort of raging infection that wont leave. Had to do all the IV stuff and meds. Well then they scare me about saying something about being septic. So I have to take ANOTHER day off work to go and visit my girl Jill, so she can tell me if my legs are gonna turn black and blow away. I haven't been this fucking sick in years, not since Mono. I am so tired of being tired. It feels like I ran a marathon when I walk down stairs. You know that little "life bar" on video games, well I am in the lower middle and there are alarms going off. I am about ready to jump in to the lake of fire and let the alligator eat me. No, just kidding- I am not going to do that. I am just going to change doctors and get this figured out. Kirby needs to go!! He's not even paying me rent, and he is just destroying property. He's a terrible tenant. Sorry gentle readers, I am just crabby and hurting.
Kirby is damned squatter. He just wont leave. And on top of that- he is making me sick again. I have been laid up for like 3 fucking days!!! Nannon took me to Dr. Peepants on Tuesday where I got a lecture about not drinking enough water. Well no shit Doc, I have been in a coma for the last few days. Cant drink when I am asleep. Douche bag... Also he proceeds to give me this lecture about how disappointed he is in the litho not working. Well guess what Smart Ass- ME FUCKING TOO!! Like I like taking time off from work, wearing weird hospital gowns and getting IVs plugged in to me. Yeah, that's the good time I was looking for. Idiot!!
So last night after two days of 102 fever, X hauls me in to the ER. (He hates hospitals, so I was proud of him taking one for the team.) We went in at like 10:30 and left at 5:30am. (Which BTW, 5:30am is the time to go to the ER- there was NO ONE THERE!!) So its discovered that I have some sort of raging infection that wont leave. Had to do all the IV stuff and meds. Well then they scare me about saying something about being septic. So I have to take ANOTHER day off work to go and visit my girl Jill, so she can tell me if my legs are gonna turn black and blow away. I haven't been this fucking sick in years, not since Mono. I am so tired of being tired. It feels like I ran a marathon when I walk down stairs. You know that little "life bar" on video games, well I am in the lower middle and there are alarms going off. I am about ready to jump in to the lake of fire and let the alligator eat me. No, just kidding- I am not going to do that. I am just going to change doctors and get this figured out. Kirby needs to go!! He's not even paying me rent, and he is just destroying property. He's a terrible tenant. Sorry gentle readers, I am just crabby and hurting.
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